Couldn't sleep hence decided to write something down here since its been so long since i wrote something.

Recently some questions ponder into my mind... How does it feels like to have a bad day? And how does it feels like to have a day that is bad enough but nothing seems to goes well even more.. And lastly how is it like when you just had a normal bad day but you got nobody to talk to ?

Been having bad days recently.. Partially I think due to my illness.. Been thinking a lot recently too.. All of sudden I just had this feeling.. I don't feel like talking to people about my thoughts of feelings anymore.. The once opened bottle has now just decided to close itself once more. There seems to be no point in telling any one anything about yourself. There is nothing these people can do about, all they can is just lend you a listening ear in which turns out only adding on trouble to them. Close friends whom you thought you can confine into... how close they really are ?.... Just found out that I am too dependent on people... I WANT to be more independent.. Feel like isolating myself from this world.. Can I do without friends ? Do I really need so much attention from my friends... ... After some thoughts I just realised that I really do need a lot of care and attention from people... too much until I find myself a bothersome person to my friends... dragging and occupying too much of their time.. I HAVE to learn to be more independent.. I am just wondering what has changed me.. Why is it the person I used to be, the one who can live alone, go out alone and independent have disappeared. I shall adopt isolation in my life.. I want to have back the feel of being isolated from this world.. The long lost feelings of being able to sit alone quietly in my favourite beach, listening to the wind and waves, leaving such a smoothing sense in me.. I have decided to brainwash myself from now on.. 'I don't need friends'

...... My birthday is around the corner.. I have no idea how to celebrate it.. Just realised that I got some job obligations to complete so I couldn't take off on that day... But what's the point of taking off on that day when I do not know what to do on that day.... Guess I shall just worked... At least I complete the job I had to do and be a responsible person. Yesh.. responsible.. it is how amazing how many people just do things without thinking of the consequences.. bearing no hint of responsibility in them.. disappointed I may be but there is nothing I can do about it...

Thoughts running in my mind... too many things that I realised that I can't solved... Some that I can choose the easy way out by running away from it... some that have to be solved no matter what... some that have very easy solutions but you just can't solved it... So it is all up to me... Certain things in this world are controlling my life... I want my life back... realised that the once impact that I had in my life is too great for me... it is causing a grey image in my life... all of sudden my life ahead seems so groomy... nothing seems to be ever important to me... I shall live my life as a loner... at least for the time being until I get my thoughts sort out.. Sorry friends...

Meanwhile life goes on.. Things I want to do can never be achived so easily, I cannot just disappear from this world... Step by step.. I wish myself luck in success. tata cw... you will never exist again...