So I finally I realised that I am not okay.. My life is in a mess now.. I thought I was okay and tried to be back to my own life.. ended that I not only made my life all in a mess, made myself lose my sense of direction and also made my friends suffered... I realised that I no longer have the ability to cheer people up, I do no have the ability to do a lot of things.. So it ended up with me breaking all the promises I have made.. I am sorry.. I do not know what you are thinking and I also don't know what I am thinking.. Yes I can be called a quitter because I am just too tired of everything.. So there is a verse well used by my friend, Smart can le, dun be smart alex.. This few days, I find that I am always caught in situations where I really do not know what decision to make so I ended up promising two parties and then break my promise.. I know how it is like to be given false hope and then it all turns out to be nothing that ever exist... So I realise that I cannot do the things I wanted to do and have to be forced to do things I have to do. I am starting to feel that I belong to other people and not myself.. I cannot choose what I want and I can only be a puppet and let other choose what I want.. Why is it in this way.. And because of this I have hurted my two bao bei... I am really very sorry.. I want to find ways to solve.. but I am really at a lost.. because a sinking boat can't save another two sinking boat.. If I were to bring you both over, it will only sink faster... I would rather jump out of the boat and let you have the extra boat to prolong and persevere....