Time for another update after a day's thought.. So I realised that I don't understand myself at all.. Seems like my long lost enemy has come back.. Myself of the night.. Don't think it is spilt personality.. It is just me.. So the person to help me now is myself of the day.. It is really amazing how happy and cheerful I can be when in the day time but when nightfalls, I am plague by all the most horrible thoughts that can come to me.. So I admit I do silly things at night..

So it is my birthday now.. Realised that at this very moment, nothing really matters to me anymore.. Nothing really interest me.. not even the new car that is coming.. I didn't realised that until my mum asked why I am now no longer excited that the car is coming.. My dad mentioned that maybe it is because I got no money.. So I thought to myself.. am I sad because I got no money ? Well.. maybe.. Or is it the comments made by one of my friend which mention something about the sense of security I give people.. Well.. this has made an impact on me.. Is that why my ex left me ? Another made a comment, all those guys that don't have girlfriend is because there are no gals in their group of friends.. then she asked me.. why is it that I don't have girlfriend when all around me are female friends.. I don't really know.. Maybe I just don't want to find one.. or maybe I just can't attract any.. maybe the girl has not come.. any reason that can come to my mind but then one sentence overides all.. Does it really matter to me ?... I don't know.. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.. But it sure has an impact on me..

Suddenly just felt that I am lost in the middle of the ocean.. Screaming at the top of my voice and nobody can hear me.. So I guess it is up to myself again to save myself. Don't think anyone can help me.. Don't want to bother them also... Even if they want to help, I also don't know how they can help.. Just hope that this night thingy will slowly fade off.. tmr will be a better day.